Making my philanthropic rounds of the workhouse I was pressed by the Beagle to examine a young miscreant who presented with symptoms of weakness of the limbs, lingering torpor and a dullness of vision.
Introduced to Bill, a man so cockney I presumed it must be painful, indeed during the taking of case notes I exclaimed to Bill in some dismay, “One more, “Gor’ Blimey, Gov’nor” and you’ll suffer a strangulation of the cartiod spheres”
Leading our man to a sideward I was upon him immediately with my pocket cranioscope, always carried with me, and was about my business with some verve. Measurements taken, I like to follow-up with some further probing by hand, whilst questioning for further evidence, a full and documented background being the scientific way.
Working as a Hackney carriage driver it was to be expected that our subject suffered continual exposure to miasma, leading to his symptoms, building torpor and subsequent descent into ruin. I was not convinced, there was more to this than met the eye. Our captain of the Hansom cab placed into the hands of Matron to be thoroughly bled, additionally shut into a room with smoke of camphor to balance the humours, I to my calculation.
Bill exhibited over-large organs of secretiveness and amativeness, with notable deficiencies in the organs of adhesiveness, friendship and cautiousness. Releasing him from the smoke and brought back to the world of sensation, I set to some deft questioning of the patient. This deeper enquiry brought about the eventual confession and explanation of this case. His natural predisposition to secretiveness and physical love combined with an inability to socialise brought on an over-reliance on the solitary pleasures of the night, a habit he developed to pass the time whilst waiting for fares. So began a journey he had not expected to take, along the road to rack and ruin, to languish in the poorhouse, dependent upon the charity of others.
All is not lost, for with scientific method comes progress and so we may offer a route back to regular society. An additional bleeding and some firm and thorough leeching upon the organs of indiscretion set Bill upon the path to recovery.